“Wake Me Up”

Wake Me Up- Ed Sheeran

20131027-015516

Most days I’m comfortable being alone.

Today was not one of those days.

When walking to get food this morning I swear I saw every single couple in my neighborhood walking together…
Holding hands…
Holding their children’s hands…
Riding bicycles cheerfully as if they have never fought a day in their lives.

Meanwhile I was walking alone.
Acting quite unlike myself, I kept my eyes at the ground, to save myself from the inevitable loneliness that I knew was surrounding me.

I walked into the cafe, ordered my food, and took my table.
The voices lowered and whispers began.
I’m not so vain that I thought they were whispering about me being alone.
But it did make me uncomfortable in the fact that I had no one to whisper to.

I left the cafe without finishing all of my food because I couldn’t stand to sit alone any longer.

During the walk home, I noticed it was the most beautiful day we’ve had in weeks.

This made me so angry.

Only because I had no one to share it with.

I know I’m not actually alone.
I’m married.
But he’s not here.
It should make me feel somewhat at ease knowing that I do indeed have someone, even though they aren’t physically with me at the moment.

However, it makes the pain worse.

Because I know what I have.
I know how perfectly we fit together.
I know how much fun we have.
I know how much we love each other.
I know that I can’t choose when he stays and when he goes.

If I just didn’t have anyone, I wouldn’t know what I’m missing.

But I do know.

And I’m missing it very much.

tank: urban outfitters

glasses: ray ban

hat: village house

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